I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
