Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
