Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I party with great urgency now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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