Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
