i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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