do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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