Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
