This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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