we're chasing vodka with high fives
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
