I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize