Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
