note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
