Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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