to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just made my gag reflex go away.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
