There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
