Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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