Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
