I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
