so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
