Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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