I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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