Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
