The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
