i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
