youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
