I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
