she was so not down for the gang bang
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
