That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
