well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
