Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
