Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
