she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
