did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
two words...techno handjob
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize