Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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