I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
