Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
