you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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