Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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