okay pat passed out under dana's car
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
