like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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