Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
