Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize