Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She is in my trunk
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
