I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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