You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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