i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
