Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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