i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
