if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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