the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My ass is underappreciated
i think i just lost a toe
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
