if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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