If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's never too late to be topless.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
