I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
