She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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