she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize