the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
