His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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