A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
