When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize