I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Someone shattered a urinal.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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