shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
