I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize