eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize