the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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