so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
