dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
