i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
