Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
