some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
