Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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