he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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