that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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